a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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