How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
