i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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