I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
