Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
