My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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