Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
