There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
