A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
