shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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