i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
