Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
