Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
