I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
