i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
