Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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