Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
