She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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