White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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