the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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