sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
