guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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