hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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