so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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