If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Someone came in the potted fern
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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