hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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