I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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