My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize