i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
