omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
