You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
