is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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