I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
