went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
