I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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