We're like a lot better than the average bears
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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