I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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