Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
