Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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