How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
