I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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