You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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