we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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