Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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