After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
