I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize