peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
