I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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