Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
