what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
