why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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