On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Randomize
