The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
