At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm bleeding and have questions
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize