Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
