she was so not down for the gang bang
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
