you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize