i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
