Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
