So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
