Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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