Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
