Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
should my penis look like a turkey
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
