I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
false alarm. still invincible.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
