we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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