so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm at about main and main street
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize