Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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