You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
