That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
