If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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