My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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