Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize