i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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