just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
