I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
