Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
